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February 23, 2005
Elusive Sleep
Did you ever feel like you were trying really hard for something, but it was just out of your grasp? You keep persuing and it's just out of reach. I'm dealing with that in several areas of my life right now, but the most physically obvious is my sleep. I have been trying method after method to bring sleep to me. First off, to complicate, some of the prescriptions that I'm taking make me sleepy. You wouldn't think this would be a complication, but, alas, it is. For they make me almost too sleepy, so when I take them at night, I can't wake up in the morning, so I take them in the morning, and I struggle to stay conscious through the day. I'm convinced this will even out eventually.
Secondly, I had been taking over the counter sleep aids to fall asleep and stay asleep. This works splendidly, but to be honest, I don't think it's healthy to rely on a sleep aid to try and sleep all the time, even though it works GREAT! So, for the past two nights, ok, three now... I haven't been able to go to bed as early as I would like, or to fall asleep as quickly. I have a feeling it's a lot like it would feel like to beat one's head against a brick wall. However, since I have never experienced this, I am only speculating.
This theme has begun to spill over into other areas of my life. The beating of one's head is that of which I am speaking (trying to avoid the dangling preposition, and it comes out all 'formal'). Anyhoo... there are things in my life that are out of my control and that drives me absolutely crazy. As anyone who remotely knows me knows... I am a bit of a control freak with a touch of OCD on the side. I know... go figure. But when things are out of my control, and I try really, really hard to take control and it doesn't work, I get frustrated.
I'm feeling a little on the outside of a lot of areas of my life right now, and I know some of that is my fault... probably a good portion, but there's the little voice in the back of my head that keeps thinking that it's not all my fault, and somehow, I am on the outside looking in... almost pounding on the glass, and I can't break through. How about that for a metaphor, huh?
Posted by karen at February 23, 2005 11:23 PM
Comments
We should start an insomniacs blogger club or support group or something.
It WILL even out and I know you are really trying to be patient with everything. Just keep reminding yourself, it's going to be o.k. and maybe even better than that. It's an exciting time to be in!
I know it was just a metaphor...but if you need to pound on the glass...or door, or cell phone in my direction, I'll keep an ear open.
Posted by: Stacey at February 24, 2005 06:03 AM